The First Shots are Fired on Fort Sumter
Well, it was only a matter of time. After a short-lived partnership that produced an unrivaled body of work and a microscopic fan base, Mark and I figured it was time to go our separate ways. Hence, the creation of "The Naked Truth." In order to create the illusion of legitimacy, we're claiming that we're splitting over "creative differences." (An hilarious notion, considering the closest Mark and I have ever come to having "creative differences" is arguing over who puts their Hamburger Helper in which cupboard.)
Here at The Naked Truth, you'll get just that. The world as I see it. You'll get rambling and pontifficating on whatever occurs to me as significant or noteworthy on any given day. I'll spare you the online journal format that you get with so many of these sites, that essentially reads like the end of a Doogie Howser episode. I'll do my best to provide intelligent, thought-provoking, and possibly even slightly humorous (whether intentional or unintentional) insight on the various topics and events that make up our crazy little world. Once in a while, I'll feature guest spots from our old buddy Mark, as well as anyone else who thinks they can cut it in the cut-throat world of blogs.
To get us started, I'll re-post some of my old columns from Mark's site that you may have missed. And just for the record, no, I did not cry when Carson Palmer hit the turf last Sunday...
posted by Steve at 4:53 PM
40 Comments:
I cried a little when Carson went down....only because I'll have to come up with new nickname for him next year. 2 years ago it was "Jimmy", this year it was "Mox", and I'm considering going with either "Rusty" or "Lance" next year
I think Lance is an obvious choice. Which I guess would make Jon Kitna Mox now? The real question is, since Chris Henry got arrested for being a partying idiot, is he Tweeder?
Fuck Jason Giambi...Griffey came back from multiple injuries and that fucker came back from steroids...they should ban his ass...Lindner ruined the reds with the Griffey and Larkin deals but the new owner will bring back a winning team within two years...he is the man!
http://news.enquirer.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060124/SPT04/601240385/1071
LETS GO REDS! LETS GO BENGALS! LETS GO SEAHAWKS! HUFFMAN RULES!
DUGAN
And while Im at it...Barry Bonds...Not playing for the USA to prepare for spring training? Can you say ROIDS! His forehead is three times the size as it was 8 years ago! The son of a bitch is going to break all the records and he is a tainted player! His best friend is the dealer in the BALCO scandal...and still to this day is his trainer...WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT! HE should be shot for treason for not playing for USA...and NORMAR should be shot too...His parents are from Mexico...YOU WERE BORN IN THE USA ASSHOLE! And AROD...if he doenst play for the USA...FUCK HIM TOO!
Dugan
who is 'NORMAR'? fuckin dugan
And fuck Piazza whose great uncle or some shit drafted him...Tommy Lasorda...Tommy Lasorda...Lasorda won the olympics for the USA team...what an ass!
i believe LaSorda was his godfather...check me if i'm wrong
And while Im at it fuck Ron Artest and Terrell Owens...they make millions and think they can try and run corporations...and fuck sprewell too...I cant sign this 14 million dollar contract...I got to feed my family...SHUT THE FUCK UP ASSHOLE...you make millions while we cant even pay rent!
dugan...you don't even pay rent...you live for free at your grandpa's house on the golf course!! hahahahaha
I believe you are correct Dave Busick...LaSorda was his godfather!
I do pay rent asshole...200 a month for utilities and 20,000 a year for school..shut up Busick!
At least we dont have to hear about Butter and the Notre Dame Dominance yet Dave!
what dominance?
Good call...when did ND dominate last and with a dirty coach like Lou Holtz...dirty at ND and South Carolina...shouldnt even be a commentator on ESPN...lisspy ass mo fo!
And while Im at it...this fucking piece of shit judge in Vermont...6 months for a child molestor who raped a 6 year old for 2 years...someone should put a bullet in his head...costs .20 cents to do it...6 months for a child rapist...that is why Liberals should all be shot in the head!
And while im at it...people from the westboro baptist church are protesting during soldiers funerals...they should all be shot for treason...look up at "westboro baptist church" at yahoo and see what these sick fucks think! Kill Them All and Let God Sort Them Out is what I say!
and while im at it...Where is the news on this asshole judge...nowhere...except for fox news who talks about it constantly! Which needs to be that way...no paper or tv channel has talked about this at all...you know why...because the asshole judge is a brother-in-law to a powerful democratic contributor in Vermont...its the truth...the asshole is trying to cover it up...6 months for a child rapist...or a bullet in the head...you decide!
Let me explain to you how this works: you see, the corporations finance Team America, and then Team America goes out... and the corporations sit there in their... in their corporation buildings, and... and, and see, they're all corporation-y... and they make money
and while im at it..ESPN tried to compare wayne gretzky and mario Lemeiux...give me a break...at one point dan patrick said if mario was healthy his whole career he would have been as good as wayne...give me a fucking break...wayne only has prolly twice as many points as mario and was the most important player to his one sport ever...then they tried to give any two athletes against wayne and mario and the mullet mother fucker barry melrose said "put those two up against any two athletes ever and they would win." Give me a fucking break...Ill take Jordan and Jim Brown and let them play anything that all four have had the same experience in...The hockey boys get their asses WAXED! except for maybe golf!
Wayne Gretzy dominated his sport MORE than Jordan dominated his sport as an individual. Look at the numbers. They don't lie.
I concur but put them on a neutral playing field and jordan wins hands down...he would want it more than gretzky...gretzky never showed passion for the game...doesnt have it in him. Jordan wanted to win more thanm anyone ever...he cheated in cards against bill whathisfucks mom in go fish!
what the fuck are you talking about? go fish with who's mom? gretzy 2857 pts...next closest guy Messier with 1887 pts. Gretzy holds almost any hockey record worth anything.
I dont deny what accomplishments Gretzky did but Jordan is a better athlete and will be your fag boy wayne on a neutral playing field...and you know it...gretzky couldnt even do shit anymore in the NHL because the goons would take him out...Jordan could still dominate the NBA which has THE best athletes in the world!
yeah jordan REALLY dominated when he came back for the Wizards. Should have quit while he was at his best.
And anyway...where does this magical "neutral playing field" that he's referring to exist? Is there some kind of parallel dimension I haven't heard about where athletes from different sports compete in a universal winner-take-all throw-down that transcends the different games as we know them? Or is he just referring to Deb Dredge's grade school gym class where we used to play kickball-basketball-fillintheblankball?
Bottom line is that the greatest is by far Hakeem "The Dream" Olajuwon! Not only was he the greatest center to ever play the game but more importantly he has Allah on his side which moves him ahead of everyone!
When Lemieux originally retired after the '96 season, he actually had more points per game (2.01) than Gretzky (1.93). When he came back and played in so called "clutch and grab" low scoring era, thats when his ppg dropped to 1.88, now second all time to Gretzky. So its not that much of a stretch to assume that, had he played as long as Messier, he might very well have at least sniffed Gretzky's records.
And furthermore, I hate every Cincinnati Reds fan. You all are little whiney bitches. You blame Lindner for "ruining the team", even though NOBODY wanted Barry Larkin to leave as a free agent (when he was very clearly washed up), and EVERYONE wanted Griffey. Also, at the time, Griffey passed up about 5 million more per year to take a "hometown discount" and sign an extension with the Reds. I didn't hear anyone complaining then!
My only hope is that Dugan starts drinking again and makes about 20 posts on this thing tonight, so I'll have something to do at work.
you want to find out who is more athletic...Jordan or Gretzky...But them in a boxing ring, cricket court (or whatever the hell they play on) bowling alley...etc. Bring back the atletic competitions of old where nfl, nba, and all other sports starts compete in a mini-decatholon...then we will know...and knowing is half the battle....G.I.Joe!
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
THIS is some fucking entetainement. What up Steve and Dave, and Dugan. -dickhead
and while im at it...thank God for people like me and everyone else who watches foxnews...Vermont got so many emails and calls that the legislature created a statute that allows child rapists to get therapy while incarcerated! The child rapist that raped a girl from age 8-12 gets 3-10 years instead of 60 days! That judge still needs to go...and while im at it that sick fuck needs a bullet to the head! Or as glenn becks sidekick suggests...a furnace!
and while im at it Mark,
Have no problem with the griffey signing...at the time it was great...but larkin at what? 46 million or so...we wanted him back but not at that price...Lindner was and still is a businessman who thinks of the almighty dollar first...larkin would get people in the stands...lindner's office was at provident bank downtown...the new owner has his office in the ballpark and wants to make a great team...was in the cardinal organization forever...who is your team...the cubs who have twice the payroll as the reds? GO REDS! Fuck everyone else...The reds were the first team in major league baseball...have the best fans...and arguably the best team ever in THE BIG RED MACHINE...besides murderers row tell me a team that comes close!
and while im at it...espn is doing the super bowl 40 man roster...cincinnati might get 1 player...the best tackle of all time anthony munoz while the browns wont get anyone...why you ask...because they have never been to one...and dont bring up the fact that you won a couple of "championships" back in the 50 or so...your team has never been to a SUPER BOWL...live with it...and you wont be to one for another 40 years!
sorry mark,
You are a braves fan I found out...how about you win more than 1 series in the last 50 years and your argument might hold a little...your team has 100+ million a year in payroll and still suck...and you have one of the best managers of all-time...your team choles EVERY YEAR! Sign your pitchers for 50-80 million...YOU STILL CANT WIN THE SERIES!
sorry...your team CHOKES EVERY YEAR!
And as far as the browns go...the closest you ever came to a SUPER BOWL was a fumble on the 1 yard line and letting a QB drive the whole field in 2 minutes...like the braves...the browns...CHOKE!
I'm a Cincinnati fan through and through until the day I die, but I'm not about to say that we have the best fans in the world. Good fans don't boo their own players in their own ballpark. Griffey wasn't in town for a week before he heard the warm reception of boos from the Queen City. I'm ashamed to say that Cincinnati has some of the most fair weather fans in all of sports, but at least they're not just complete idiots like Cleveland and Pittsburgh fans. On the other hand, Cleveland fans are at least loyal. How many cities have had a team move to another city, and the team name and colors stay with the city? Love 'em or hate 'em, you've got to commend that. And Larkin was signed for 22 million for three years, not 46. I don't know where that figure came from. And I was at the game the day after they signed him. The first time he came to the plate in the bottom of the first, the entire crowd gave him a roaring standing ovation which he acknowledged, stepped into the box, addressed the plate, then stepped back out, took his helmet off, and waved to the crowd again, beacause the ovation went on for a good two minutes. Lindner could have given Larkin Fort Knox and Cincinnati fans would have been happy; there was no way he was not retiring a Red.
The Browns lost their chance at a Super Bowl birth the same way the Bengals 'choked' in their super bowl...a Hall of Fame QB leading his team down the field in the 2 minute drill. Elway and Montana. If that's a choke, then I guess they're both choke artists. A choke is being up 3-0 in the ALCS and letting a team beat u in games 6&7 on your home field. That's choking.
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