The Great Giambino: "ComeBack Kid"?

(Originally posted on http://worldfinest.blogspot.com on 11.04.2005)

As I was browsing ESPN.com, I caught a headline out of the corner of my eye that began with the phrase, “Comeback Kid…� Now, surely this must have been an article about Joe Montana, right? I mean, after all, Montana is the rightful owner of the nickname, “Comeback Kid�. And surely ESPN wouldn’t disrespect such a hallowed great as Joe Montana by applying his nickname to a less deserving candidate, right? And if they did, surely they would only apply it to some courageous athlete who overcame a debilitating disease or some horrible hardship to pull off an odds-defying return to the top that A&E will inevitably make a movie about starring Barry Pepper, right?

Nope. The article was about Jason @%#!@#ing Giambi. Yeah. In case you hadn’t heard, MLB fans recently awarded this cheater the “American League Comeback Player of the Year Award�. In a related story, the world just awarded the “American League Comeback Player of the Year Award� the “Award That Suddenly Holds the Least Legitimate Significance Award�. And, in case you’ve been paying even less attention to baseball than the average disgruntled fan, the reason Giambi had to make a “comeback� is because he admitted to using illegal steroids. To which everyone reacted with a similar look as when my cousin Mikey told us that he had a crush on Keri Webb. “Oh, really Mikey? We thought you were just… really…protective of her…or something.� “Oh, really, Giambi? We thought you just lifted a lot. And…drank…milk. It does a body good, you know.�

That’s not the worst part. I haven’t even told you what the entire headline said: “Comeback Kid: Giambi signs deal with Reebok�. That’s right. He’s not the Comeback Kid because he cheated, used illegal drugs, desecrated the game the same way scores of other players have, but then admitted to it, “rehabbed�, and eventually learned to play the game the way that honest, hard working athletes are supposed to; he’s the Comeback Kid because his act of contrition has now landed him an endorsement with Reebok.

The article begins with a sob story about how Giambi “had hit rock bottom.� About how admitting to steroid use lost him his endorsements with Pepsi and Arm & Hammer. This kind of reminds of the South Park episode in which Kyle and Stan claim that downloading music for free is not a big deal, to which the overbearing interrogator replies, “NOT A BIG DEAL?!� then proceeds to take them on a Christmas Carol-esque tour of wealthy celebrity musicians who, due to people downloading their music for free, had to buy the slightly smaller private jet, or wait a few more months to have the thousand gallon shark tank installed in the middle of their private swimming pool.

Now, look. I’ll bet you think this is going to be a rant about how much faith I’ve lost in Major League Baseball and the fact that the game has held no credibility since 1998 when MLB pretended they didn’t know McGwire and Sosa were using illegal drugs simply because they were bringing disgruntled fans back to the ballpark after the ’94 strike. Or that if Pete Rose doesn’t belong in the Hall of Fame because he dishonestly and illegally affected the outcome of games, then neither does anyone who ever played on steroids because they also dishonestly and illegally affected the outcome of games. Or that if a record stands for thirty-six years and then is suddenly shattered five times by three different people within four seasons, then there’s probably something else going on here…

But you’re wrong. My point is simple. If you want to strip the game of all its integrity by allowing obvious illegal drug use to run rampant for years and only put a stop to it finally because the U.S. FREAKING GOVERNMENT steps in, then fine. I’m a grownup. I’ll get over it. I started getting over it in the summer of 2001 when Bud Selig ended the All Star Game in a tie and it became apparent to me that MLB didn’t care about baseball any more, so why should I? But don’t try to act like someone who has just now, on the backside of his career, decided to start playing the game by the same rules as everyone else is the “Comeback Player of the Year�.

And, at the very least, please, for the love of God, and the love of everything that is decent, don’t defile a nickname held by such a legend as Joe Montana by applying it to an unlikable, unforgivable cheater such as…him. And this is coming from a lifetime Cincinnati Bengals fan who had his heart broken at the tender age of seven by a Montana touchdown pass late in the fourth quarter of…well, a game I don’t like to talk about. Mr. Montana, allow me to apologize on behalf of those who should.